When our little ones are born, many of us find ourselves in one of two camps: either we eagerly introduce the pacifier, knowing it can provide comfort and soothing during that first critical year, or we hesitate, worried about long-term dependency, potential dental issues, or speech delays. Some of us even picture that older child who’s still attached to their pacifier 24/7, barely speaking because their mouth is always occupied.

So, what’s the real deal with pacifiers? Should we encourage them, or should we avoid them altogether?

The Benefits of Pacifiers

Pacifiers offer several benefits, particularly in infancy. Research shows they can provide comfort, aid sleep, and even reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Here are some key reasons why they are often recommended:

• Soothing and Comfort – Sucking is a natural reflex that helps babies feel secure. A pacifier can provide extra comfort when a baby is fussy, especially between feedings or during stressful situations like doctor visits, long car rides, or airplane travel.
• Better Sleep – Many babies find it easier to fall asleep with a pacifier, as sucking can help them self-soothe and return to sleep more easily if they wake in the night.
• SIDS Prevention – Studies suggest that using a pacifier during naps and nighttime sleep may help keep a baby’s airway open and reduce the risk of SIDS.
• Pain Relief – Pacifiers can provide mild relief during discomfort, such as teething or minor medical procedures.
• An Alternative to Thumb-Sucking – While some babies naturally suck their thumbs, a pacifier is an easier habit to break when the time comes.

The Downsides of Pacifiers

Of course, pacifiers aren’t without potential drawbacks. Some of the most common concerns include:

• Breastfeeding Interference – If introduced too early (before breastfeeding is well-established), a pacifier can contribute to nipple confusion.
• Dental Impact – Prolonged pacifier use (beyond age 2 or 3) can affect dental development and lead to misaligned teeth.
• Dependency – Some babies become overly reliant on the pacifier for sleep, making it challenging to wean them off later.

Armed with this information, we as parents can make a more informed decision about whether or not to introduce a pacifier. But beyond these technical considerations, there’s a more practical and often overlooked aspect of pacifier use: how we introduce and reinforce it.

The Intention Behind Pacifier Use

How often we offer the pacifier, when we offer it, and why we reach for it all shape our child’s experience and the habits we create around self-soothing. A few key questions to consider:

• Am I offering the pacifier to help my baby regulate or because I need quiet?
• Can I tolerate my child’s discomfort without immediately resorting to a pacifier?
• If I don’t have a pacifier on hand, do I panic, or am I able to soothe my child in other ways?
• Does my child see me as calm and steady when they are upset, or do I mirror their distress?
• What message is my child subconsciously internalizing through my behavior around the pacifier?

Our babies learn about their world through observation and imitation (as Dr. Bruce Lipton highlights). The way we respond to their needs plays a significant role in shaping their self-regulation skills.

My Personal Experience with Pacifiers

In my family, three out of my four children were pacifier adopters. My eldest was a thumb-sucker (just like me), which I found super sweet. With my pacifier-loving babies, I was always mindful of how and when I used it. Under 8 months, I offered it as needed, but I was conscious that I should never use it just to “plug them quiet.” Their pacifier was for sleep or to help regulate in overstimulating environments.

When they woke at night, I intentionally avoided making the pacifier my only tool for soothing. Instead of instantly reinserting it every time they stirred, I would wait 15-20 minutes and use other calming methods first. This ensured the pacifier didn’t become their only comfort mechanism—or my dread.

Once they reached 8 months (when babies can begin finding and taking their pacifier on their own), I made a shift. I mostly limited pacifier use to sleep times. I remember telling my babies, “We’re done sleeping now, so let’s drop the paci in your crib, and it will be here for your next yummy sleep.” They learned quickly: I drop my paci, and Mommy takes me out of bed.

If they wanted their pacifier outside of sleep, I would take them to their crib and sit near them while they soothed themselves. Once they were ready, we would come back to join the rest of the family—without the pacifier in their mouth. It was always intentional when we took a paci break, which inevitably helped my children cope with frustration. The pacifier wasn’t usually the first go-to for a quick fix.

My “Take Your Paci” Game

Most 8-month-olds aren’t naturally inclined to look for their pacifier in the dark while half-asleep. So, I introduced a game to my kids and the families I facilitate to teach this skill.

Lying on our bellies on a play mat, face to face, I’d place a few pacifiers between us. I’d go first: “Mommy takes a paci!”—grabbing one and putting it in my mouth. My baby would giggle, and I’d encourage them: “Now Maya, you take your paci!”

We played this game a lot until the phrase “Maya, take your paci” became a cue for her to grab it and put it in her mouth. Every success was met with a happy dance and lots of laughter!

Within a few weeks, she learned that when I tapped her mattress at night and said, “Maya, take your paci,” she could reach above her head, find it, and self-soothe back to sleep. Within a month, she had mastered the skill at night, as most babies will, leading to solid 11-12 hour nights.

The Bigger Picture

Teaching independence requires patience and belief in our child’s ability to learn. As Dr. Wayne Dyer beautifully put it, “Infinite patience produces immediate results.” We empower our children when we focus on the teaching process instead of quick fixes.

How we view and offer the pacifier directly influences our child’s level of dependency on it. Keeping the focus on our actions—rather than blaming the child for struggling—allows us to stay intentional and consistent.

Final Thoughts

Whatever camp you belong to—pacifier, thumb/finger-sucking, or nursing to soothe—what matters most is how you use these tools. Are you parenting with intention? Are you fostering self-soothing in a way that aligns with your child’s emotional well-being?

The goal isn’t to eliminate soothing tools but to use them mindfully so they serve both you and your baby in the best way possible.

What’s Your Pacifier Experience?

Did your baby take to a pacifier, or did they prefer another soothing method? Let’s start a conversation in the comments below!